Time and time again, I have witnessed great talents fade into obscurity, while others succumb to their inner turmoil. I empathize with their struggle, for I, too, was once like them-gifted, yet shattered.
I came into life equipped with all the best that God can give.
Full of gifts and talents and a giant heart to love everybody.
My childhood was a battlefield, a conflicted house where my young parents couldn’t understand each other. The fights were fierce and frequent, and I often found myself caught in the crossfire.
I took many of their bullets and, of course, got wounded. My heart was still tender and fragile.
My whole world came down in that troublesome childhood. I felt that no one believed in me, and I couldn’t believe in myself either.
Ten years after my birth, my parents finally divorced. It didn’t come as a surprise; no one was surprised. My sister and I already knew the truth.
Like death, the divorce was a reality we couldn’t fully accept. There was always a glimmer of hope for a different outcome, a hope we clung to despite the odds.
I also hoped that somehow my family would stay together, but unfortunately, it didn’t.
And so they went in different ways, and behind them left a shattered child.
The bullets had left many open wounds. I had so much pain inside me, I couldn’t see clearly anymore.
The good part in me was separated from me. I let my bad side win without even putting up a fight.
That side of me had given up on the world and on myself. I had lost all ambition, all hope, and was resigned to a life of mediocrity.
I was lost. That’s how I went in my teenage years, and that’s how I entered my adult years: with a broken heart, feeling lost.
In my mind, I would see only limitations: “You cannot do this, you cannot do that.”
You do not deserve this, you do not deserve that.”
I became my own worst critic and worst enemy.
There was so much promise in sports and in the arts for me.
At school, I was one of the best in football, basketball, and athletics. I was popular.
My Olympic genes had given me this great gift, this great advantage, but for what?
I didn’t have the willpower, couldn’t persevere. I was broken.
All the faculties of a strong character were missing.
In the arts, I was the best in my class, and possibly in the entire school. My drawing would always be different than the others; a genetic anomaly from birth helped with that. I would see colours differently; sometimes I wouldn’t see them at all, and only imagine them, and the result would always be surprisingly good.
But I would still see the limitations rather than my gift, and I would keep it to myself.
Toxic shame thrives in the shadows.
Any sign of brilliance in front of others, I would minimize or hide.
Through the years, I lost many opportunities to shine, and eventually, my life got compromised.
I became entangled in someone else’s life.
“He lives the life of someone else.
He wears someone else’s clothes.
He eats someone else’s food.
He has the habits of someone else.
He struggles like someone else.”
And so, this melancholic existence persisted until I reached the age of 39. It was then that I finally glimpsed the light at the end of the tunnel, the beacon of hope that would guide me towards self-discovery.
The journal became the light.
Every word that I would use, every sentence, every paragraph, every page would make my life brighter.
It was then that I finally began to put all the pieces together.
And my heart began to heal, and suddenly the gifts that I had always found a purpose.
I no longer needed to hide them from the world.
I no longer needed to be sad. It was time to reunite with my true self, whom I let down in my childhood years.
Gifted And Blessed
And this is my life now: Gifted and blessed. Making the best out of the time that is left.
Dear reader, remember this: Where you start is not where you end.
Remember: your starting point does not dictate your destination.
You possess the potential to make a profound impact on the world. You entered this life with a unique purpose and a mission, and it is your responsibility to unearth it and pursue it with unwavering determination.
Till next time,
Yannis, I really like how you point out a person doesn't end where they began. As an educator I saw this so much when all of a sudden one of my students would understand the information I was sharing. Seeing that light go on was always rewarding! I'm sure your former teachers are seeing that in you now! My congratulations to you! Jerry
Thank you, Jerry.
We all have to start from somewhere, even if it's bad. But progress can still happen, like in my case.
You are a man of letters and have witnessed it firsthand with one of your students; that's truly great.
If any of my former teachers knew what I'm doing, they wouldn't believe their eyes!